Wednesday, August 16, 2006

On Notice!

Because my computer has decided to eat every fifteenth webpage I visit (or some every time I go there), I've been reduced to writing all of my posts in my Gmail account, because it autosaves what I write, rather than some webblogging software that shall remain nameless.

Everyone has been talking about Steven Colbert's "On Notice" board lately, and I'm jumping on this bandwagon. While engaging in some healthy retail therapy, I've noticed quite a few things that need to be added to this board. Shall we?

1. The current "long" and "skinny" trend in clothes. I appreciate a longer tank top, and I'm used to hemming any of my jeans, but do I really need to hem a full six inches off of every piece of clothing? No, I don't. This also doubles for those retail outlets who purchased any weird, fancy-shaped denim for their fall lines and replaced any co-existing, fantastically fitting lines of jeans. In what world would a size 12 jean not include ease for a woman's hips, butt and thighs? Seriously folks. I mean, every single pair of jeans? Where are these tall, obsenely thin (despite any current sizing of garment) women with no ass and a torso approximately 12 inches taller than me? Is Barbie real? And I'm tired of every damn store trying to market their line of clothing to teenagers. That's why there's an Abercrombie, Urban Outfitters, American Eagle, PacSun, Hot Topic and Hollister in the mall. So you can focus on what happens to females in between 20 and when a woman dies. Gap and Old Navy, you're on notice!

2. The vehicular trends of the mall-shoppers. You do not need to bring the largest land-yacht you own to the mall. This includes your Excursion, Yukon, Humvee, XXL bed pickup, monster truck or bus. There is nothing in the mall so large as to require any of these vehicles to take it home. Nothing. Anything that could come that large probably has a free in-town delivery service anyway. Also, when driving around the parking lot, it is customary (and required) that you stop at all posted signs, painted lines and when another person is backing their vehicle out. Every single time I've been backing my car (slowly and carefully, so as not to hit your massive SUV), some idiot has the balls to speed on by, without stopping to let me out. Hey idiot, I'm going to ram my compact sedan into the side of your car in approximately one minute, so knock it off. You can wait 30 seconds to let me out. Then you can have my awesome spot. That's how it works. Citizens of Eugene, you're on notice.

3. Everyone knows you can't fight the crowd during holiday season at the mall. However, it's my observation that this trend gets a little earlier every year, and leaks its way into how people walk in public. Groups of people don't move out of the way when faced with oncoming citizens. Thus, I have to nearly get clotheslined by seven giggling, gossiping fifteen-year olds when I want to walk in a different direction, simply because they can't stand to walk in a non-linear fashion. I can't tell you how frustrating this is. It's even filtering down to families. If you can't politely move over so I can walk by (I do it for you!), then, frankly, I'm rudely breaking up your precious family unit. Girl's got to get her shop on. Patrons of malls in Eugene, you're on notice!

4. My knitting. I'm so tired of looking at Cozy, I can't stand it. It's not making progress adequately, and I am thinking of frogging it. Okay, envisioning myself frogging it after I hit "publish". My Trekking socks are taking forever, and the other pairs I've started aren't working out well either. There's a plethora of great patterns out there for fall, yet I can't finish a shawl or a sock to save my life. WIPs, you're on notice!

5. My computer. It isn't bad enough that the DVD/CD player is broken, you overheat like I'm overclocking you, half of the USB ports don't work correctly, you refuse to let Itunes and my Ipod work together, the mouse only works half of the time, you created a way for the printer to make other programs not work AND there is no way of really fixing any of the above problems, now you have to start eating my webpages? Toshiba laptops, you're on notice!

6. My car. It isn't enough for the engine light to go on twice in 6 months (for problems that did not affect my driving noticeably), now I have to research a reason why it feels like I'm driving a washing machine down the freeway, yet it has yet to set off the engine light. &%#$ Nissan Sentras are on notice!

That should clear things up for now. Stand by for any and all other notices that may occur.

And,Funky Scarf secret pal, I did not forget about you. The first paragraph of this post is just for you. I had it all written out, ready to hit "post" and the god-damn computer ate it. I had to re-type EVERYTHING. So I'm sorry this is late, I was preoccupied by my hatred and refraining from throwing my laptop out the window. (You'd be suprised at how often the idea comes up).

Let’s get the allergy part out of the way. Are you allergic to any fibers?
I'm not allergic to any fibers. Hooray! But I kind of detest cigarette smoking.

Do you prefer any fibers over others?
I have a definite preference for alpaca and merino wool. I love soft, silky yarns. If it is something you'd want to sleep next to, then it's for me. I don't care if it is Knitpicks or cashmere, buget-wise. So don't break the bank!

Would you prefer funky yarn or a funky pattern?
Funky pattern! Funky yarns kind of freak me out. I love good, simple, finely dyed yarns. No random objects inserted, please!

What are your favorite colors?
I love blue, in nearly every shade. Light blue, dark blue, royal blue, sky blue... after that, it's anything in the "cool" color spectrum that goes well with blue: green, purple, black, white and red/pink. Brown has become a recent favorite of mine too. Also, it's football season coming up- that means lots of yellow, green and white in my Saturday afternoon wardrobe.

What is your favorite piece of art?
"starry night" by Van Gogh. It's got all of my favorite shades of my favorite colors!

What colors would you never have up close to your pretty face?
Yellow, white and orange. They wash me out terribly. ( I do realize that yellow was listed up above in favorite colors- I need it to be paired with another color to work). Also, very light "mint" green. I'm a "winter", if you ever did that '80s scarf color thing.

Would you prefer an actual scarf or a cowl?
Scarf! I'm not really sure what a cowl is. Is it like a smoke ring? Plus, I look terrible in hats, so anything on my head wouldn't work.

When you wear a scarf do you prefer a wider/shorter scarf or a thin/long scarf?
A ligthweight, standard length scarf. Yeah, it's hard to describe. I'm really short (5'0), curvy and have a very short neck. So, yarns that make a lighter, thinner fabric would be great. I don't like really short scarves, so one long enough to wrap around my neck once would be great! And, I'm just throwing it out here, I love the clapotis pattern. I've got two- one bulky and one really thin. But I could always use a third in a medium weight wool....

What is the climate like where you live?
It rains. And rains. And rains some more. From October to May, we see more rain in Oregon most people really care to. Thus, it makes sense that our college team's mascot is a Duck! In December and January, it can get down into the 20's some nights and frost over. However, that's as cold as it would get.

Would you prefer a functional scarf (to keep you warm) or one just to funk-up your wardrobe?
Functional! I love great scarves and will wear them with everything I can during the winter months. If it's a lightweight scarf, I'll wear it at work. Our HVAC system is a little wonky, and blows cold air during the winter.

What else would you like your partner to know about you?
I love stripes, cables and lace. No, that's not really "funky", but neither am I. I'm preppy! And I know I'm going to love anything that's created just for me. I can't wait! Also, I work- a lot. So if you hear from me, it will be on my days off, which are the first few days of the week. So don't get worried I don't respond on a Saturday- I will by Tuesday!


Blogger Teri said...

I'm with you regarding the impatient parking lot drivers. Just last month I was in a Walmart parking lot in Springfield and I was in the process of backing out of my parking spot and had actually pulled all the way out and was shifting gears when this "Jerk" decided that my car was small enough and he was in such a big hurry that he could just drive around me. Well he needs to get his eyes checked because he ended up hitting the back end of my car. The topper to this story is that in Oregon if you are in the process of backing out of a parking spot and someone hits you, you are at fault not them. Now is that the dumbest thing you ever heard?

11:39 PM  
Blogger Lavendersheep said...

You know the real irony is that Blogger is owned by Google =)

5:11 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home